Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
