just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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