i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
