Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
