The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
