haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
