He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
