I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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