Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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