His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
