Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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