paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
