what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
