I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
