planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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