You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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