And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
