the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
