genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
