it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
