So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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