I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
