she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
