I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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