so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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