just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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