fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
