sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
