One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
