I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
