I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
