I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i out mim tonsoeep
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