You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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