I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize