when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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