did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
