he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
