So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
