guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize