you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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