Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Even my vagina gasped.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
