WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
