Will you blow on my dice?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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