I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
