You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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