Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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