Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
