There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
