my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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