me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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