Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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