Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
