This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
