Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
