she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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