The maid of honor just puked.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
