Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
