Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
