I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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