my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
MIDGETS
????
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
