What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
