Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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