Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
