Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize