you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
