maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
