I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
