Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
