There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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