its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
