That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
