Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
