I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
