i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
