Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just google imaged poop.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
