forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is the high leading the old right now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize