i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
