Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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