did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
