I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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