So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize