i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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