Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
