Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
